Coma for four years? HERE'S A GRADUATION CAP!! :)
HEY YOU! My name is Amya, you can also call me Red. Have you or a loved one ever been mentally absent for a really long time and suddenly snapped back into reality, practically in the middle of nowhere? If you answered “Yes!”, then you might be entitled to ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! :D Welcome to the club buddy.
It’s been a while since the last time I posted here but I’m back baby and it’s FINALLY MY SENIOR YEAR IN THE VISUAL ARTS ACADEMY! Cue the confetti and the cheers, WOOOOO! (I am so not ready for this)
< ——- ME??!
We’ve almost reached the end of this, high school that is, and I cannot help but feel so guilty. For four years I wasted a lot of time living in a world that doesn't exist. I get very in my head when it comes to setting goals. I glamorize them in my mind and play the entire thing out, start to finish. BUT I spend far more time thinking about how awesome and amazing it COULD be, than actually putting in the work to make that awesome amazing thing a reality. From there, I get super overwhelmed and end up with such little time between then and the deadline to complete it. And it doesn’t stop there no no, my perception of time is completely screwed and I find myself constantly dissociated and mindlessly engaged in every conversation, event, relationship, and everything you can think of, and failing to process and obtain the memories for me to later recollect. All because I can’t fight off being pulled out of the real world and into my head. I’ve been trapped in my own mind with no way out. So I decided to blow up a wall in my brain and MAKE a way out; since the exit is NOT in the room with us.
My battle with being mentally present in my life, not feeling like I’m sitting in the driver’s seat of a car on autopilot and a destination unknown to me, has been my biggest issue for a while now. I am not able to remember things how I should and I’m never fully there to enjoy the moment. I realized I’ve been like this my whole life. It just wasn’t nearly as bad until I started getting sucked into daydreams more and more and MORE over the years. Now I can spend hours straight daydreaming, DAILY. It’s become impossible to control. I want to pull myself out of this, and SOON.
For my Senior Synthesis project, I have made it the point of my research to better understand Immersive daydreaming, specifically maladaptive daydreaming, as it is a more common form of escapism than I had thought. I want to know, why is it so hard to control, how can I learn to manage it, and have it be recognized and acknowledged by other people who know nothing about it.
I will be documenting my research and progress with my art project here. I cannot wait to share my process and my work with all of you. See you soon, I PROMISE!!
